Well, apparently a Dap King is a member of Sharon Jones' band..
This morning I had on a little Sharon Jones and The Dap Kings as I pondered my future. Quite fun music and good fuel for trying to pull out of this nasty depression I have been in for months.
I had some good laughs yesterday and I so appreciate the phone calls of people checking in to wish me happy birthday. Yesterday I didn't feel lonely. I know that statement looks so sad. The truth is, after I made a decision to go back to AZ this coming Sept. to get my shit together I felt some relief. And I wasn't as broody. That and I have been going to a bunch of AA meetings and I am chatting with my therapist once a week. Making clear choices, and taking care of myself.
What does my future hold?
Whatever the hell I say it does! I can't fuel the mope anymore. I hate that I can flip into that so easily.. is it genetic makeup? Is it because my brain is that of an alcoholic? Am I a slacker/loser who just can't do it right?
Who knows?
Either way, I am setting my course for big and beautiful (and I don't mean my ass...) things on the near horizon. I had a fun little reminder the other day of my astrology reading that I had gotten when I was in India... the sheet of paper fell out of a book I was digging through to remind me that this guy said that between 44 and 58 years of age, I would accomplish the majority of my life's goals.
I had better get cracking and set some goals.. I'm already a year into what he said would be the best period of my life. And by that I take it that I would need to embrace that life lessons that are sometimes difficult are there to teach me more and I get to learn how to stick with it and and remain sane.
Or in my case...
I get to find the best way back to sanity after going off the deep end.
Spiritual crisis is cracking open some willingness to open up and look around afterall.
2 comments:
And then there's Maude!
In 1985, I remember leaving Bisbee, for Florida, when my father died, impulsive and emotional. Once in Florida I was deeply depressed and couldn't wait to get back to Bisbee. I did sell 13 paintings tho and saved $7,000 and came back and bought the house we now live in! Life's messages are sometimes hard to comprehend, but they get there eventually!
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