10.26.2018

When things wind down.

Wow...

I have seriously come to the realization that having The Mother Unit be able to read this blog was something that drove me to keep it current.

With her eyesight dwindling, and her overall energy level fairly low, she hasn't checked this blog in a while. Watching her health become more and more fragile has been tough. I know it's a natural thing and I know she's pretty much had a life that she enjoyed and that she took some real risks and probably did a bunch of great stuff she'll never tell me about.

I'm ok with that. I love her.

The lessons of how to show up and just be present are many. Going through all this pretty much as an army of one is less than fun, but at the same time, I am glad I get to be there for her.


9.30.2018

On a loop.

Whew. Been on a damn near single song loop for almost two fays! A little book on audible thrown in for good measure but really just this one song.

I do that sometimes.

In between moving vinyl albums from one house  to another and then arranging them, I have not been  out amongst the denizens of Bisbee much this weekend. I needed to get this done. If I am gonna keep the vinyl then ot needs to be accessible to me.

Dumb little things to do. And then there is some cooking and checking in on The Mother Unit via phone. All things fairly simple these days. I’ll take that.

The drama ebbs and flows minimally.

Fall is here with cool mornings and less bugs out. I am not going to miss all those fucking bugs. Next project is getting ready to rip out my kitchen and put in different cabinets that I will be getting from IKEA. A third of the cabinets are here already but I’ll be back ip in Phx to get the rest in the coming months. Then I gotta choose a countertop. Hope to have it done before January. That’s about how long it’s take to get the moolah together for it all. Realistically I ahould try and get a second job to make this go a little faster but I like being underemployed. My stress level is pretty low.

Bisbee livin’... suits me.

8.07.2018

The climate.

Oh, Tiny Town...

The politics around here are kinda scary. 
Our little town is gonna run out of money, we seem to have some not-so-transparent stuff in our city govt, and the town is at war on social media. It's hard to watch. I've been asking friends I trust about their take on different issues here, and I am still not clear.

I'm not dumb... I'm just really listening to folks and letting the different opinions sink in.

There was a time that I was not able to vote. I take voting very seriously. It's a privilege.  

I have a few weeks left to figure out how I feel about people and things here.   

7.13.2018

Trippin'.. but not fallin'.

In the past few weeks, I got a change of scenery.

I wouldn't say it was a vacation, but more of a chance to see people I love dearly in a couple different cities and get filled up on love, community, and gratitude.

My sweet cat Marvin was not there to greet me for the first time. I'll miss his toothless kitty boy purring. But he was at least 18, so he had a nice long life. My pal Kelly's 50th bday shindig was a bunch of work, and worth every second of it. That woman is a force of fabulousness for sure.

The homecoming was more of a challenge... lost the key to my truck, that I had moved for the mandatory "no cars on the street" coaster race. It vanished into thin air. Nothing breeds a little chaos like car drama. The time with The Mother Unit had nothing but good times and no chaos/drama so I was super grateful that the car drama was all I had to deal with. I remedied the situation with the key... but never found the key.

As I near my 53rd bday this weekend, I'll be doing a bunch of housecleaning and getting out to be with friends. I get my pinball machine shopped for my bday by my pals from D&D in Tucson. That is a nice gift! They are even closing the shop to come down and hang with me.

At some point, I'll relax. But for now, there is a bunch to do just to keep up with my world.



7.04.2018

He’s not here.

My cat Marvin..

He crossed over The Rainbow Bridge last week. I have never been in VA without him.

It’s sad and weird.

Good thing we’ll be busy as hell so I don’t have to think about it that much.  I miss having here on my lap and I actually didn’t rush downstairs this wlike usual because there is bo more special quiet toothless cat time for me.

Different.

That’s what life is serving up these days. I don’t have answers.

I don’t need to know the outcome.

I’m just here doing what’s in front wme.

It’s lovely here in VA. It’s great to be here to celebrate my friend Kelly’s 50th and also to celebrate the life of my cat.

I guess it’s also 4th of July...

6.10.2018

Testing it all.

A test of character.

Every ounce of it.

The last few weeks have been nothing short of chaos in motion. With The Mother Unit's Health crashing one day and then rebounding the next, I have had quite the emotional ride. Couple that with the deadline to have her house emptied out so we can close the deal... you can't imagine the sheer panic and exhaustion I am enduring. Trying to face it all with my strong self.

And after getting home at close to 10 pm last night after a full day of schlepping/cleaning/more schlepping, I am wondering when I will take my Epsom salt bath to soothe my aching body. After sleeping in till 6:59 this morning and not jumping right up to go empty the car... I am about to finish coffee drinking and go do that empty the car thing before it gets hotter out. It's still not as hot as Tucson, so I'm grateful as hell for that.

After the emptying, I get to clean and do laundry here for my work week. I doubt there is any socializing going to happen as I am a little fried after all the running around in the heat yesterday... but I got 85% of what needed doing done. I did fall short, but I did what I could. I did stay hydrated, and I did, in fact, have a delicious burrito for breakfast and my fave trashy Tucson tacos for dinner so I at least gave myself that.

Comfort food. That was the gift yesterday. I may be a fat old woman just slogging through it all, but I do know the best places that fit the food for the mood. Yes I do.


6.01.2018

The Baked Pueblo.

It'll be hot..

It'll be unpleasant..

It'll hopefully be a super productive time getting the last of the stuff handled at the house there.

I hate summer in Tucson. Way too hot. And it's not even really kicked in yet. But things need to be done. I need to wrap this up so I can focus on giving The Mother Unit a less stressed daughter.

Our time together is precious.




5.27.2018

Load t up.

Box truck.
Heavy items.
Not enough time.
Help.

The day had me and a friend moving loads of stuff out of my mom’s house.

My back is paying for it today.

Progress is being made, but I am not gonna make the deadline to close escrow on time. I’ll be a week or two over. Fuck. I wanna just crawl in a nice cool dark hole for a week... and that is not saying I wish I were 10 ft under. I just want this part of my tasks to be done. Having help was good, and I was finally at the point where I was ready for it. Paying a friend who is moving away to Amsterdam for grad school is a good thing. Life is complicated right now, but I see light at the end of the tunnel.

Here’s to two more weeks of chaos.


5.03.2018

So Weird.

Twenty-two years ago...

Yes, over twenty years ago, I had a friend drop me with no explanation. The other night, I found out why. 

She thought I had slept with her partner.

Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me.??

Here's the good news...

Well, I never did that first off. And second, I guess she is still pissed off at me thinking I did. 

Wow.

This solves a real mystery for me though. I had no idea why she disappeared from my life. I eventually got over it but always felt a loss. Now, knowing why she did what she did, and not having the venom in my heart or soul to be angry, I just laughed in disbelief when a friend told me this.  And what's weird, is that in going through a bunch of photos at my mom's 2 weeks ago, there is a huge amount of photos from back then and this old friend was in many of them... I had just looked at them and felt like I missed the friendship and wished this woman well. 

I had no idea a couple weeks later that this information would make it's way to me.

It's sad she hates me over something that never happened, but all she had to do was ask and she coulda saved herself a couple of decades of hating someone. 

I gots a bunch of gratitude for keeping my side of the street clean... and for having integrity in my sober years. I would never have done something like that. I hope she finds some peace. 

Life is complicated enough these days... love and gratitude are pretty much the damn finest things ever. 

 

4.29.2018

Productive day...

Saturday was good. Long but super productive and several crates of albums are in Bisbee. I have probably 7 or so more to bring. But I loaded up what would fit, and beat the heat outta The Baked Pueblo.  The may end up being a storage thingy, there could possibly be an estate sale, and there will be dump runs. But come hell or high water that house is gonna be empty in four weeks.

My own house is a disaster zone with all of this stuff coming here. It’s unnerving and frustrating but I just need to figure out a good plan for storing it. It’s gonna end up being some form of storage. There are 6 boxes of slides and 4 boxes of photo albums alone! It’s gonna get done, but summer is my least favorite season... (ya think?) and it is basically hell here now till sometime in September.

And I stayed  on task and on schedule so I got home in time to see The Exbats at Poco. A nice reward.  Took a header over a dog leash and banged up my good knee and gave myself a couple well places bruises.. but if that’s t was the only shitty thing all day. Gotta put this day in the win column.

4.27.2018

So much.

Ebb and flow.

Acceptance and refusal.

Judas Priest! Where are the grey areas?

The Mother Unit's house is in escrow.
Change is inevitable.
The crunch to empty her house is upon me.
I have too many of the feels.
Summer looms.
Everything is dusty. Everything... everywhere.
There's no room to put anything.
Thanking my lucky stars for A.A..
There aren't enough tacos to soothe me.
It's all going along the way it's supposed to.

Every week is a whirlwind of overwhelming duties at work, home, and for The Mother Unit but there are big lessons for me on where I am seriously lacking in my ability to stay present. Having an edge to me the last couple weeks hasn't served me that well "in the moment", but it's taught me more about the need to be better to myself. Rambling on like this does little to help anyone else, but it's good for me to see what's really there when I try to get it all out.

There are good things afoot too...  Susan Werner is confirmed for Bisbee in September and with that being the bucket list show I want to present it'll either spur me on to do more... or I'll quit bringing shows on my own personal high note. Could go either way.

And I gave my pal Inez a driving lesson last night to get her some parallel parking skills and time behind the wheel before she goes and gets her license for the first time. I think of The Mother Unit and the patience she must have had when she was a driving instructor... I dunno how she did it.  I'm more of a cheerleader affirming that this or that was well done.

And with at least 4 wholesale orders waiting for me at the shoppe... I'm off to be a bagging dervish.  I do love this job. Massively grateful for the chance to work for Seth.

It's good to stay positive.

I'm gonna add that to my daily mantra...

4.03.2018

Always know that I love you.

A dear friend made sure to tell me that no matter how far away or how long it had been... she wanted me to know she loved me.

Sometimes I have no clue how I get through my days much less navigating this world basically alone as a force of one.

And then a friend says something like that and everything lightens up and that nagging loneliness that's sometimes there is gone for a bit.

I say the same to my friends... but I don't always let in that they care too. This one resonated. And that feeling is carrying me through.

Sometimes it's just a cup of coffee, tacos, music, sunrises, maybe some more coffee, or just slowing down to appreciate each other.




4.01.2018

Julien Baker.

I seem to uave fallen down a hole..

A hole called watching endless Julien Baker videos.  That young lady has a sound.. it’s so good.

I have gone through her Tiny Desk Concert, two live 30 minute sessions and now am watching a video of a show she did in Brussels. She is like 20 yeara old and mad talented. Also articulate and educated. What’s not to totally love here? I mean.. I am fairly jaded and this really checks my boxes for worthy of all the attention she gets.

I did that rabbit holing to pay homage to Easter. When you don’t have religion, you do what you do. And today it was laundry, yardwork, vacuuming, and rearranging the other room in the house a bit to get ready for all that vinyl that is coming down here from Tucson  this is all after I drove in from The Baked Pueblo with a car full of stuff.

There is a pile of pillows four feet high on the couch and I am nestled into a empty space in the corner. The pillows and the twin bed go back over to the other house in a day or two. The house is not completely disembowled... I kept going on the projects as best I could. Low energy this whole weekend made for lackluster progress, but I showed up and definitely did things.

I am worried about The Mother Unit’s eye.. maybe it’s not quite right. She has an emergency follow up in the am that I am not going to be at. Just gonna have to cross my fingers and hope nothing really yucky had happened in the early stages of this recovery.

I can’t fix it.. that’s for sure. Music soothes the mind in a big way. And right now Julien Baker is helping greatly.