Sometimes I borrow video from a sight here or there...

So this is TOTALLY ripped from Dlisted!

Yes... Michael K my absolute fave big gay blogger has posted something I cannot resist re-posting. Damn he's good...

This is how I choose to start my day. A little Alice mixed in with my caffienated state. I am busy pounding the emails and pouring over schedules... yesterday's video luxury was great but I have stuff to do! So I have fired up another computer to be able to do both.

It's frightening, really.

But seriously... and I do mean that... if you don't want the Debbie Downer part of the blog post this morning...

STOP READING NOW!!!!

Here's my one question... (no, not where's my cat...I know where he is..) but my question is this:

If you are basically homeless and far away from your community you say you live in (and I do mean gone most of the year... ) and you feel a great dis-ease around the chaos of the home you were setting up that's now uninhabitable...  and you don't really have the cash to randomly go back for a few months... and you don't want to put your friends out by asking that they house you... and basically part of the truth is that you suck at asking for help anyways... and your time to "go home" is rapidly approaching... and mostly... your mother who you dearly love is probably wondering if you are EVER coming back...

How does one reconcile this in the ol' brain?

When I slow down enough to look at the enormity of all that I have going on that is less than easy, I realize how I am running as fast as I can by trying to stay busy. Part of that is doing what's in front of me... you know, doing the next right thing.  The other part is trying to fend off the fear of letting go of/losing everything.

Maybe I am fooling myself into thinking I am really doing ok (?) and maybe I am really hanging by a thread.

I have plenty to do today. And I'll be staying as present as possible and I'll find an AA meeting.