Self-portait

Me in the morning....

No really!

I'm not exactly sure how someone snuck into "a kitchen" and snapped this photo of "me" during my morning ritual! Regardless... it's not pretty.

The day has Martha's Vineyard written all over it. Just getting a few thoughts gathered before I go. Oh... and waiting to see what time is good for me to ferry over. It's not too extensive of a haul. Only an hour drive.. and a 45 minute ferry ride. And you know I'll love that ferry ride.

Laundry is clean...cheap gas is not too far away (2.53 per gal.) and a bunch of unknown fun awaits. I think...

That's one thing about my life these days... for the most part even on the days I am doing my best to move through my "stuff" I still seek the beauty and fun mixed in with the gratitude. Most days I find it. Great lessons for living and growing.

Being around so much water and old waterfront towns is something I love, no matter how much it tugs at my heartstrings.

I'm just gonna torture myself a bit more...

All from the weekend. Plymouth and Provincetown. I'm really just beside myself with all the wonderful beauty of the water that is surrounding me these last few days. It's something to be around so much of this "Ye Olde Towne" mentality.. and all of these wonderful beaches. We are headed to White Horse Beach today for our beach adventure of the day.

Tomorrow I do believe I head to Martha's Vineyard to hang with Gretchen's folks. I am still trying to figure out if I wanna go from Hyannis or Wood's Hole. I got sidetracked by looking up "live sound" books on the internet. I know that it's one of the most important issues at a live show. Jane Paul has a super keen ear... and serious knowledge about that. She's still the one I look up to for that for sure!

Alright... a bit more web surfing for info and then I am off to the beach.



deep breath (as in sigh...)

Ebb and Flow.

Yesterday was a day off.

And mind you.. it wasn't an "off day"" just a "see if Gretchen takes me seriously about quitting blogging day" was more like it.

She didn't.

And I wasn't really quitting so... back to it.

Logistics:

"the planning, implementation, and coordination of the details of a business or other operation."

Yes.

Wearing several hats at times mean that I sometimes:

advance gigs
drive
sell merchandise
schlep
book
work with print media
drive some more
provision (coffee and food)
and so on...

That's kinda how it looks fairly consistently. And I am as diligent of following up on leads for shows as I can remember to be.


For a non-linear thinker, it's a really great and fun challenge. I work with people who have been making their own travel arrangements and routing their own tours for many years. Or they have booking agents who route for them. The tour manager is part of a team. And most certainly not the artist's manager. In listening to how the managers have things laid out for the artists, it really quite intriguing to watch these different business minds work on their clients behalf to shape what's next.

In my limited scope (and experience) all I can see some days is how we should be booking 4 months out to be safe. Having big holes in the schedule sucks. I am going to have to figure out how to best fill that time.

Natural progression.

I am asking more of the pertinent questions today. Where do you want me? When would you like me there? Instead of waiting to be told... which has been a habit I got into and I think it has caused my brain to be lazy. It's also problematic in that I don't always know where and when and it's discombobulating to find out the details late in the game. And not taking things for granted.

Things change.

Allowing things to progress organically without fighting it is my goal.

And then there is the beautifully succinct phrase I heard at an AA meeting 2 weeks ago in Milford..

"Let go or be dragged."

Time to make some more amends and time to grow into the human being I continually want to be.

And time to make another pot of coffee.

The all knowing...all seeing...

Nothing like a giant eyeball to watch over you get your daily dose of jitter juice. The truth is... I see something I don't like in myself and the extended rant is below after the fluff. So it's quite fitting that I am sitting under a watchful eye.

There is one true fave place for coffee out in Tucson. That's Safehouse. Hands down..best of everything when it comes to drinking coffee in The Baked Pueblo.

Speaking of the Baked Pueblo... it's predicted to be 112 here this weekend.

Cricket...cricket...

I'll be in Bisbee for some of that... if not all of that. I'm keeping pretty quiet, and just getting ready to fire off some worky emails before I go meet Lizzy for lunch. I have stuff swirling in my head about work/booking/travel and what to do with some of the bigger holes in the schedule. It's not always simple to figure out. I'll leave it at that. I have a bee in my bonnet and I need to clean it up. This is around a person in NYC and person did nothing wrong...I just can't quite figure out how to be around them. It's more of a defensive move on my part to be totally separate. As I've gotten the majority of my sanity back after the wee breakdown in early Spring, I launched into working with all of my good intentions and crashed into this poor woman who I don't even really know... who I then stayed really far away from.

I just hate that I have such severe reactions to people sometimes. To be honest, I have been sharing about this at AA meetings and looking to find my way through it. I get so focused on making sure I am gonna be taking care of what I need for myself and my black and white thinking goes into overdrive. The good news is this woman has no idea how much I am struggling with this... she just figures I don't like her. She's not losing sleep over it. It's getting in the way though. My way and some business. Not good... time to clean it up. I think it's perfect that I am away for a bit so I can reach out to some close mouthed friends and get some wisdom.

I don't like being stuck. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I think I have found yet another true passion!

I like to call this one ''Grateful, and my Goddam Finger'' but I am just the sappy one with an edge.

As this life altering series of photos gets shown to my adoring public I am reminded of how one's humble beginnings can explode overnight into what is being called a "Visual Sensation" (Dumbass Press) and "The greatest gift to beach starved desert dwellers anywhere" (I Have No Clue Blog) as well as "My life is now complete since this body of work surfaced!" (Some guy on the subway)

It's been nothing short of a whirlwind romance with the lens that has me captivated and giddy with the prospects of fame and money! I am so pleased to be following in the footsteps of my ex-husband, Laszlo Layton by embracing my true gift of milking the photographic muse's teet.

And..all that typed after only 1 cup of jolene!

This morning's coffee brought to you by Old Bisbee Roasters (last of the Huehuetenango till I order more)

and trust me... I know I'm not right in the heed.

And in my continuing series of photos featuring my finger..

Overcast morning here in CT. The residents are off shooting a t.v. show all day so the cd player is on..massive quantities of caffeine being ingested and ample belly rub and back scratches for the house dog and cat underway.

My big question of the day is what to cook for dinner?
Leaning towards a keebob of some sort. Lots of other stuff to be doing and thinking about but all that is for when I fire up my work brain.

I believe I will title this unique photo essay that encompasses the the fragile relationship between the water, my struggles to be near the water and my finger carefully placed in every shot (in one form or another..) "Giving Water The Finger"

You know eventually where this will lead. I have no class whatsoever.

an actual work day on my day off.

Yes... a day off means no shows. But a day off means planning for what's next too. I got a fair amount done today and feel like I have a few more questions answered. I love all of the aspects of this job. I love that it is peppered with weirdness and control(mine and other people's) and I love to see ways to balance myself out and try to get it all done. I am pretty quick to walk from chaos and drama, so I can be a bit dismissive by all accounts. But really I just see that there might be a dumb dead end ahead and I would rather move forward than hash it out.

That makes it sound like something is wrong.. and there really is nothing wrong. It's just more of an observation that came to light today. Some great opportunities for me to let go of some fear, some judgments I have about others and myself and possibly just slow down a bit further and see how close in my blinders are on. I feel pretty damn open and I think that I'm doing pretty well.

Off to the post office now.

Milford.

No celly service to post the pic I took this morning so here goes!

Lovely sunny morning. I am making some oats and heading into my 3rd cup of coffee so I should be ready to rock and roll here in a few. Slow start but I really am a semi-free agent till noon. Just going over some emails and actually going to make a list of what I need to do. First on the list is that fucking firewire cable.. where the hell did that go? I know it must still be in Bisbee. Last I saw it was in the middle of moving stuff from house to house and that was even before the wall collapsing.

Speaking of that...

On the top of my list today is making calls to Bibsee to see where that project is at. I will be sending my contractor buddy over to assess the repairs so far and I am hopeful that the city is being responsible. Lots of hoops on that end. Fuckers.

Then it's phonecall-0-rama and my Milford AA at noon.

As the ass crack flies...

So it's early...

Not hideously, but I did get up about an hour ago to get some kickass coffee in me and get ready to drive.

Me drive long time today. (and every day for the next week)

Today's destination is as far past Columbus as I can get. And the destination for tamale is Janie's. I should text her and let her know that... then a quick scoot into Brooklyn really early on Tuesday morning. It's a lovely morning here with loads of overfed birds chirping and the sky lightening up to a nice baby blue.

I'm only 2 cups into my huehuetenango so I am not yet 100% functional.

I will say this. I love these guys here in Kansas City. I loved cooking dinner for them, and I love that they are loving being here instead of Southern California. I cannot tell you the incredible difference in their stress levels. They are so happy and relaxed... and to see that in friends you can never get enough of is a beautiful thing.

You gotta admit....

That when someone says,"You gotta admit..." you just feel like being strangely cathartic.

Right?

what's that I hear??



cricket... cricket...

Let's take a moment to talk about some goodness in the world.

Who is this man?



Why is he smiling?

First... he's smiling because he's a happy guy.

Second... he just got awarded Principal of the Year for the entire state of Arizona.

Look no further for educational goodness my friends...

IT'S TAD BLASS!!!!

Tad has more or less moved from Bisbee to be in Sierra Vista but he is firmly entrenched in our hearts as one of our most bestest pals in these parts. It's not often we get to hear about good things going on in schools. I have seen Tad at work..(mostly at play though..) and the kids at Buena High School treat him with a great amount of respect and he's very accessible to them.

Way to go Tad... you deserve this and so much more!!!

Three cheers for Tad!!!

Ok.. it's not swine flu...

I have no idea what knocked me out yesterday... but it was bad. I am not too good at being sick, so I just stayed upstairs and hoped for the best. I did get more video uploaded though.

Here is Susan and Julia Biber doing "May I Suggest?" at the Schenectady show.



I have a bunch more stuff to put up on my wee youtube page, but I also need to meet an insurance investigator over at the house today as well. I am getting ready to tackle some of the footage from Natalia and Antje's run. I am pretty jazzed about that too.

I'm operating at about 75% today, but I definitely feel better than yesterday. Needless to say, I am being gentle with the caffeine consumption this morning.

End of the day...

Just got in from having a little bite to eat with my pals Sally and Anita. I'm pondering heading up to Tucson to do a little provisioning and get some tires put on the van then head over to the Tucson Folk Festival in the morning perhaps.

I may wait to go up there till Tuesday... but either way, El-Frida is getting tires with my escrow refund check. I feel fairly relaxed and happy here... even though my time with my pal Gretchen was cut short due to her having had a headache for the last couple of days. That's no fun...

Now I am gonna pop into Old Bisbee and drop something off at Roka for Sally then come back and get to bed.

It's so exciting here.. right? That's normal life I guess.

It was a nice day here... not too hot and a slight breeze. Love that..

Back in Bisbee.

On my second french press of Old Bisbee Roasters Sumatra this morning. Sally and I are making chorizo and eggs, and it's not hideously hot here so far. I am going to help set up a new entertainment center for my pals today... then off to look at the concrete forms that have been poured at the house here. I wanna hit some tennis balls a little later but after that, I'd love to get in front of my pal Gretchen and get caught up.

Then of course there is the need to find some firewire cable for uploading some video. That may take some doing.

But all in all I am happy to be here.

My goal.

This was from last weekend.. Rosebud doing what she does best!

I don't really set goals. I like to feel a pull in a direction and just go. Not unlike my old siberian husky named Haagen Dazs that I had a long time ago. She would dig out under the fence and just put her head down and go...seeming to be pulling an invisible sled across the urban desert tundra. But she had somewhere to go, and she just went. I feel like that these days. Driven to do these things laid out in front of me that I am passionate about.

I am giving up bitching about money. Period. If you catch me saying anything about it slap me... hard. I have my health, I have my family and friends.. and I have a sense that by lessening all of the pressure I put on myself by letting go I am indeed clearing a space for the next part of the adventure. And of course I have no idea what that is going to be, but the unknown is not that scary right now. I have so much to look forward to in the coming weeks..

Folk Alliance!
Friends in Kansas City!
Flying to beautiful downtown Cleveland to meet up with Natalia!
Getting to work with Natalia and Antje!
Going east from there to jump in on the Daiseycutter shows in the Boston area as a wonk!
And then returning back to AZ, gather my crap and that van I love and go head first into the 2009 touring season.

In between all of that I am putting energy into:

Finishing the move next door.
Transitioning my house in Tucson into a rental again.
Getting the house in Bisbee rented on a nightly basis.
And dealing with the plumbing issues at both places.
Selling my old friend the VW van.
Bringing the station wagon to Bisbee.

I feel like I'm getting ready to go do this course a loooong time ago that was called The 6 Day. Where you essentially had to clean up all your "stuff" so you could fully participate in this thing.

Well, this thing is my life. And what I know in my heart is that all I have is today, and any day clearing things up and moving forward is a great freakin' day!

And in the vein of sheer gratitude... it was a whopping 38 degrees in the house when I awoke from my slumber! Warming trend! Get out the shorts and flip flops!

And if that doesn't get ya going how about this scientific graph thingy???

from boing boing.

What you want vs. what you get.

So I'm over at the new house... putting up art, puttering... getting a feel for it all. And I realize I'm really hungry! I had soup for lunch and no breakfast! And what do I want? A damn chili dog! Why, oh why am I cursed with such thoughts?

What will I have? Not chili dogs. And it will be limited to what's in the house which is generally pretty healthy.

Damn hot dogs. Damn them all to hell!

52 degrees!

For those of my pals in frozen parts of the country, first off.. hopefully you have power for heat and stuff. I have power... but my house sure is cold! I am working on being conservative on heat... but waking up to 52 degrees indoors is harsh! And the house next door is waaaaay colder!

Holy crap!

The best part of this all is that it will warm up here. Unlike other parts of the country. And it will be decent to get out and around. I will continue shuttling things over to the new pad and doing my weird style of moving that seems to be evolving. Get an idea.. take something over.. put it there.. step back.. and see how it fits and feels. I don't have to empty this place out just yet as I believe I will try renting it out. Of course that requires fixing the plumbing. But that has to happen anyways. I am starting to create the vibe over there so I am feeling positive about it.

And after the booking tornado that took place 2 days ago, yesterday was remarkably quiet. Still waiting on word from several folks on different things. I know Trina has a big ol' Hamilton's gig in NYC at The Living Room tomorrow, so she is most likely at a band practice. They like to do that. I have a little "Hammy-Vision" for you this morning...

Hello, errr... Kitty? Is that you?

Photo purloined from Boing Boing.

Helloooooooo Kitty?

More like Goodbye Kitty!

Or Dirtnap Time Kitty!

I see so much in my morning romp through the internet. Not to mention I get my music fix via WXPN in Philly most mornings. Always good to hear what kind of weather my Jane is dealing with and of she'll have any traffic woes on her trek to work that day. At least that's what I tell myself when I listen to the Philly traffic. Oh freezing rain and a high of 40 and it's a wee 30 degrees out there now! Bundle up Jane! Damn... I dunno how they deal with that... they are talking about the freezing slush and snow that could fly off and hit other vehicles on the road! WTF????

My buddy Dan from the band The West Texas Millionaires is coming over for lunch today... brainstorming and just hanging. I ran into him yesterday downtown where he had just gotten back from using that tour bus I mentioned on a run to Texas. Sounds like he had a blast! Of course he did...

I have no idea what to expect from the luncheon, but I know the guy has good energy and he has done a whole bunch throughout his music career before landing here in Bisbee from NYC. And I know he is dedicated to bringing good music to Tiny Town so I have the utmost respect for him. If I were here more often, I'd be right in there with him. For now I'll have to do everything can, while I can. And that will be my contribution!

I absolutely choose to live in an unreasonable world today. And this day will be filled with powerful requests to move things forward. What is that cryptic sentence implying? I dunno yet... but be ready! It's almost like that saying,
"Jeebus is coming... look busy!"

Except it's not that at all...

And then the day was cooler and darker... denoting nightime.

Here in the wee beach house in the desert. Feeling pretty good today. Really seeing how I got into a negative place with coming home. I do have things to take care of but there is no need to be cranky about it. So now I officially declare myself done being cranky.

In fact, I must now just get my "Full Steam Ahead" gear on and make stuff happen. All of this wearing of the cranky pants has taken time. I'll give myself some leeway having only been home for about 3 weeks and a couple of days.

Thanks to my friends who reminded me of several different aspects of my situation. You know who you are. I have tours to book, t-shirts to design/energy to send to S.C. and love and community to distribute.

Trina and Natalia have a big ol' house concert tonight. I'm sending them both a whole lotta goodness. I appreciate those women and all the opportunities they have given me to get in there and do this job. And really, I have to thank Jane and Susan for having me on shows... it's upped my game so much! And I can't wait to create the best year yet for myself and all of these artists I have a chance to work with and know.

Time to work, Wendy...

Having Rosebud this weekend is good for me. I needed dog energy around me. Silly dog has done more walking in the last day than she has in probably the last month. Since I have no yard, we must get her to make pee pee and poo poo on a walk. Not sure she fully appreciates it, but she sure does love being with me.

Ok... and to all 6 of you semi-faithful readers.. would you do me a favor please?

May I please get you to leave a comment about your favorite thing about me? I can't always see the good... I am on a roll right now, and I could still use some input.

After you are done with all that enjoy this vid...

Rain?? Whuh??

I awoke to rain! WTF?? I wasn't consulted on this!

A few errands to do here in Tiny Town then off to The Baked Pueblo to view the house there. Deeeeeeeeep breath. I will have an official hand holder, so while I want to cry just thinking about it (because I really have to face it..) It needs to be handled one way or another. So that is on deck... as is buying water, and that kind of provisioning.

Yesterday yielded some good movement in our booking adventures. Actually got one confirmed (provided Natalia agrees) at Godfrey Daniels and then have some dates on the table for The Ark. I must say, dealing with both is a pleasure. Wearing a few different hats in Team Hamlin definitely has it's advantages. You get a sense of so much of what it takes to make this happen. Or maybe it just that I'm finally starting to have a little confidence in my ability to do this pretty well and I see more of the big picture? Who knows? Regardless, I love learning about all of it, and I am feeling a nice shift in how my determination to "Do the job right" is moving towards "Doing the job I love". I have loved this and it has fit for so many reasons.. but last year really was hyper focused on doing it right, which isn't always the best place to generate possibility from. Kinda Woo Woo So Cal stuff, right?

Truth is I want to bring all of my best to the table. I believe that my word/intent is very much how it will go. I have really taken to heart my harshness on myself and am really taking on calm and peace in this ol' skinbag. And all my fear and freezing up.. I just need to walk through it with grace. I am not elaborating on so much of what's going on, because it just feels like rehashing it. I don't want to water/feed the gremlins. Some days I feel very alone on this journey. And other days I actually reach out and know that I'm really not.

Truth be told... when you are touring, there is so much to do and so much usually going on it easy to just be there and not think about it. Except when my mom is not 100%.. that is all consuming. But she's my only constant. So it's deserved for her to have a cherished spot in my brain.

So today... I face a fear.

"She's facing her fear! She's facing her fear!"

Did I mention its still kinda raining??? WTF??